This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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