I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
