She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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