We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
