Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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