I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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