I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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