You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
