dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
