do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
