The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
