Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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