Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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