I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
