EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
