We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
