My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
