It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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