I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Let's get the cat blown out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
