it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
