I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
