Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
