Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
