Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
