it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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