ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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