My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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