guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
