I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
