Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
