I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
