He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
