I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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