I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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