i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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