Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
