Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
