Your dad touched me again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
