WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
