They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
