So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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