U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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