Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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