I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
