Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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