Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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