my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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