i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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