we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
