Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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