Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
